The Coffin Is Almost Closed

It’s the close of my first full week of not being an admin on the Pub-Forum list… or even posting to the list.

I’ve received a surprising number of letters from people most of whom ask the same questions. I simply do not have the time this week to answer them all in detail so I’ll post the answer to one of them and that should do it for all… I hope.

Dear XXX”

Thanks for your kind words of support. Let me respond point by point below.

> Geoffrey was way out of line when he wrote:

>> Now let’s hope that the other listmoms accept your
>> resignation and that they accept the
>> nomination of someone worthy to share their duties.

Well, it IS Geoffrey and you know he is having the time of his life dancing on my grave. I can’t figure out where Gloria is? You’d think that Ms. Wolk would want a piece of this too! I got a copy of what she posted on the so-called civil-list. How she got away with that one is beyond me.

I think they have a double standard over there… one for Gloria and one for everyone else. I would have thought that Shel or Bob would have removed her because of her personal attack, something they SAY is not allowed there… but we obviously now know is not true.

Anyway, over the years Heard has said a lot of rotten things about me. It’s what he does, it’s what he lives for, and it’s about the only time he ever posts. Usually I ignore him, but this one actually “stung” me.

I was ALWAYS worthy of this job and I did it well. They can carp at me for my editorial style, my low-brow humor, and my retro-sexist attitudes, but I was never not worthy of being an admin. I did all I could to make sure the list was spam free and that people stayed on topic (lost that battle) and to keep the political-correct police from taking over (probably lost that one too.) And I’m not worthy?

Geez, Louise. In the years on this list I have written some 200 original articles and satires on this industry and shared them freely. I’ve taken countless phone calls and e-mails from people wanting to know this, that, or some other thing about this industry. I have chased a few people away (who should not have been here in the first place) but I know for a fact that I’ve brought in just as many and kept them.

Who else can write as well as I do? Who else can make them roll in the aisles as well as I do? And who can make them cry as well as I can? Who else is as modest as I am? (As Yogi said “It ain’t braggin if you can do it.”)

I want to know how many of them could write an essay that could raise $200,000 as I did? (Click here for story)

And how many people sit down after each BEA and write a 15,000 word diary of it for those who did not attend… essays which are still read long after the BEA has closed? And I’m not worthy?

Every year but one in the past fifteen, my publishing business has made a profit on book sales. I know what I’m doing and I do my best to share that information.

I FOUNDED the alt.publish.books Usenet newsgroup. Yeah, I know people doubt it, but they can look it up. It’s true. But a guy like me is not ‘worthy.’

What publishing experience does Heard have? What does he know about marketing…. he hardly ever posts anything about either topic. I can’t think of one memorable thing he’s ever said on this list. He just lives to spew. Look how he is still arguing with Jody. I’m gone…the guy has “won”… and he’s too stupid to know it. And in his words, I’m not worthy?

How many times has Heard’s name surfaced as an “expert” on this industry as mine has, and how many times has he been published in the PMA newsletter? And I’m not worthy?

Over the past five years I’ve written two huge software systems that have (and are) helping small publishers succeed in this business. And I’m not worthy?

And when there is a death, or a sickness, who is it that sends (and pays for) the flowers… in the name of the list… even to people who hate me (like the born-again babe in New York who does the bookmarks… but I can’t think of her name right now.) When Eric’s wife died, when Pat’s mother died, when people are sick or in the hospital, who “cared” for them in the name of the “community?” Geoff Heard? And I’m not worthy?

How many people sent Gloria Wolk $200? And I’m not worthy?

Worthy? Worthy? Worthy? He uses that word? Here is what I think. If Heard left this list and never posted again I don’t believe one person, not one, would give a damn. I’m leaving (for the most part) and people CARE. Draw your own conclusion on who is “worthy.”

For the life of me I can’t figure out why he is so popular on this list. I guess if I were a professional spin-master maybe I would be also. But who is he? I always think of him as a guy who lives in a trailer park lost in a world of his own. Honestly. He never talks about any clients or even much about his work. He posts to beat up on me and that’s about it. He reminds me of the famous New Yorker cartoon. Two dogs are sitting at a computer screen, one of them typing away. He turns to the other dog and says “On the Internet no one knows you’re a dog!” Really, just who IS Mr. Heard? Beats the hell out of me!

> Why didn’t you reply to Shel and the gay thing?
>And why does Bob hate you?

You know, I rather like Shel. Shel is not a loose cannon like Heard or Alexander or Jackson or Wolk. I’ve met him many times and he really is a likeable “character” and while he has a sharp tongue, he would never physically hurt anyone.

Bob Goodman is somewhat like Shel. He can be very funny, but most often he’s not. He’s not nearly as likeable as Shell… I’ve always found him to be a rather sulking and moody guy (Peter got the ‘personality genes’), but I’ve met Bob many times and like Shel, in person (anyway) he is a gentleman (at least when his “little brother” Peter is around!!)

I think Bob dislikes me because he wants to have the “power” and the “influence” in this industry (as a consultant) that he thinks that I have. That’s my take on it, and I don’t know what his beef is because from what I hear he is pretty well thought of in the small press circles that I travel in. Where his anger comes from is beyond me… but he seems to carry a bit of it.

We know that both Bob and Shel have a real dark side. We saw that when each of them got exposed by their hateful, ugly letters that they accidently posted to the list. Shel has gone to great lengths to tell everyone that he used the bad experience of this incident to learn a lesson about gossip… and you have to admire that. I know that I do. Bob on the other hand just apologized… which was OK, but I don’t think he sold most of the people on this list on it. Maybe he has believers on his civil list, but the bar is a lot higher on the Pub-Forum.

I don’t mean to elevate Shel to sainthood here. I should make mention of what happened last summer.. a story most of you don’t know about. Shel got into a snit because I would not resign as a list-mom when he did, citing an agreement that he said we had, but which I had never signed my name to. So he held the other list-moms hostage saying that if we did not resolve the issue of succession (i.e. if I did not retire) within 20 days he would do some unspeakable “evil.” Each day he would post to us something like “15 days to go.” That made us very angry and led to a lot of bad feelings about Shel on the part of the three of us. It’s true.

Michael, Maya and I assumed that he would appropriate the pass-codes and either take over the list or shut it down as his “great evil.” As a countermeasure to this possibility I set up a “test” list on Pair.com so that in the event that Shel made good on his threat, that we would have a way out and would have a replacement infrastructure ready to go. Shel, of course, never knew this as we never told him. But I had all of the user files backed up and ready to load to a new list if necessary.

When the deadline came and went, all Shel did was start a new list. Big freakin’ deal! Hell, if he had told us this from the get-go, we would have HELPED him, encouraged him, etc. Instead he put me and Michael and Maya through weeks of hell. You don’t believe me? Go ahead and ask any of them. They will tell you the truth. I’m not making this up. Ask them. Please do!

The end of the story is that we liked the new “test” system so much that Michael (who always has the most clout when it comes to tech issues) decided that we should move from the old vendor (Alentus) to the current vendor (Pair) where we get archives, user self-administration, and pretty good response/reply time. But it all came about because Shel went postal on the rest of us. Believe me, none of us were sad to see him leave… and we were all glad to see Marion Gropen come aboard. She’s been great to work with.

Since that time, Shel has sort of apologized to us saying that he was not thinking clearly. The three of us pretty much washed our hands of him and simply wished him well on his civil-list and figured he would be kept busy over there. But he still comes back here to complain, bitch, and moan. You know the old saying. You can take the boy out of the city, but you can’t take the city out of the boy!

Dark side aside (interesting turn of a phrase) both Bob and Shel are harmless and both are fairly good writers who are “interesting” to read. Basically, unlike Heard and Alexander, you can COMMUNICATE with Shel (and Bob if he’s in a speaking mood that day!). They are rational people.

Of course, I think Shel is wrong on just about every issue…. but I’d STILL sit down and buy him a vegie taco and a root beer anytime (he’s a confirmed vege-head… why doesn’t HE take Maya to lunch each year!)

I’ve sat next to Bob at the Ben Franklin awards, but it’s hard to have much of a conversation with him as opposed to Shel (who is are real extrovert… true to his calling.) On most days, Bob is not Shel, but if he is in a good mood, he can be very pleasant.

Obviously, I would never sit down with Heard or Alexander. They are just too far out there on Planet Zardo.

>I was surprised that Sid Jackson is so negative.

Yeah, I don’t understand the guy. I believe he has a Ph.D in something so it shows that education is not necessarily an indicator of “good breeding.” He carries on like Michael stole his first born! Get over it and get a life already!

He’s another guy whom you would dread sitting down to a long dinner with because his rationality quotient is not all that high. He does not impress me as a guy who is ever going to be a major-domo in the publishing industry… or as I understand it….in major league hockey either.

My read on Sid is that he’s probably used to the staid academic world and has not yet figured out how to “adjust” to the real one yet. It’s a shame that the only time he posts is to beat up on me because his last post was rather funny and he might have a future as a comedy writer! I bet he could write a good speech for someone. I’ve known a lot of academics in really “dry” disciplines, and I don’t know why, but many of them can write really funny material. If Sid has half a brain he’d make use of this talent. It’s hard to “write funny.” I know. I fail at it almost every day! (OK, here is one: What’s the difference between God and Martha Stewart? God does not think he’s Martha!)

>Who is Tom Alexander?

I don’t know anything about the guy. I saw his website and he is the publisher of a gardening magazine… something to do with hydropoinics (maybe he can tell me how to grow better dope… my plants are not doing well… and if anyone ever needed a “hit” (as in “this is good sheet, man”), he’s the one!) For a guy who is into “the lifecycle of the earth” and “nature”and all that touchy-feelie new-age stuff, he sure has a garbage mouth and a volatile temper. He writes like a redneck from Texas. I don’t know HOW the hell they let him into Oregon!!

I would never turn my back on a guy with a personality type like Alexander. You read about the mild-mannered, quiet, un-assuming guy who is your gardener or hair dresser or grocery clerk and whom you know for years… then one day you see on the 6 o’clock news that he’s “gone postal” and killed 20 people with an AK-47… well that’s my take on the guy.

I’d love to send his last two posts to his subscriber base. I’ll bet his “back to the earth” and “green-thumb” readership would stroke out if they knew who this guy really was under the Deepak Chopra cover! Of course, I won’t do this… but I’d sure like to!

>And who is Tom Paine? How come you never go after him?

What do you mean? I don’t “go after” people. I engage them in artful conversation and debate. If in the course I happen to gut them and leave them on the floor in tatters, well everyone has a bad day now and then!

Anyway, ‘diss’ the Major? Are you kidding? The Major PITA is one of the “spiritual lights” of the list. He’s funny, he’s smart, he’s almost always interesting, he drives Culleton up a wall (always a good thing!), and he’s always wrong! I wish there was an entire freakin’ list full of PITAs!!! Every community needs a “court jester” and Major PITA is it. Anyone who is an aspiring (and perspiring) writer (as I am… one day I WILL get published in the New Yorker) needs to read and argue against a Major Tom.

Anyone can write like… or argue against… a Heard or an Alexander or a Jackson because they are one-dimensional writers. College freshman stuff. But the Major has a talent. I’d love to see him go up against Judyth (another bright spot on this list… if you have all day to devote to her ramblings) but they mostly agree on everything… and I’m sure he realizes that Judyth would have him for lunch (right after she had me for breakfast!!) I’m afraid that with me gone, Heard, Alexander and Jackson (our own Gang of Three) will take on PITA… because (modestly he said) after me, who is left with a flair, with a style, and with an “attitude”?

> How can the civil list be civil when they
> allow Wolk to post what she did about you.

As I said earlier, I saw that. I don’t know what to say about Wolk. She has a long history of “community problems.” She used to post all the time about how her neighbors were threatening her or her dogs or whatever. We used to be friends. We spoke on the phone and she’d tell me about all her legal problems, etc.

I think that if she didn’t piss people off so much she wouldn’t get sued so often! She used to be “rational” and then something caused her to snap. I don’t know what. But you know, a lot of people buy into her claim that I get money from Jerry Jenkins. Go figure.

I used to financially support her work and a few times in my Rants I asked people to contribute to it. I don’t know if anyone ever did. I saw her quoted in a Knight Ridder story last weekend in the Sacramento Bee (we call it the B minus!) about viatical plans and I thought that maybe I was finally getting something for my $200 bucks!! Believe me, before this is all over you’ll see her jumping up and down peeing in her panties with joy and glee.

I was happy that both Bob and Shel started their own list. Why they come on “ours” to crap in our living room is beyond me. And I’ll never know why people think of Shel as a ‘god’ after he tried to dupe Amazon for (ironically) a book about ethics and principles.

The civil-list is a good thing as Pub-Forum is NOT for everyone (and is no longer for me either!) I just sort of wish Shel would be true to his word and enforce the rules that he set down… but he can’t do it because he’d have to throw Gloria off and she is one of his biggest supporters.

> I think you’re probably wise to step down as listmom.
> It’s a thankless job. I hope you’re not
> leaving the list, though.

Well, I don’t expect that I will ever again contribute ‘original material’ to the Pub-Forum beyond answering a question here or there so that I can ‘market’ JAYA123 with a sig the same way that Shel, Ivan and some others do. I’ll spend my ‘list time’ and use my “creativity” on Usenet’s alt.publish.books where there is a “culture” of ‘fair play’ and ‘community shunning’ when someone like a Wolk or Heard comes on and tries to hijack a list or makes outrageous accusations. While Usenet might be the “wild west,” there is a bit of “frontier justice” that is found there.

All that the Pub-Forum people seem to want is my knowledge and my ability to entertain them and/or a recommendation for their book or their service in one of my widely read Rants. When it came time for them to ‘stand up’ to the Heards and the Alexanders damn few did. Of course the list’s new poster child, G. Heard, could be right….. that, to paraphrase Sally “you really don’t like me!”

> I do wish Geoff would shut up already.

Then why didn’t you TELL him? I’ve received 92 letters by people who have said the same thing… but who didn’t want to “get involved.” Well, that’s how we got the concentration camps (Hitler rounded up the Jews and we rounded up the Japanese)… because ‘good’ people didn’t want to get involved.

The Heards, the Alexanders, the Wolks are all power-hungry “wannabes.” There is nothing all that original about them. You don’t even have to read their posts carefully to see that the hate and venom that they spew is an attempt to get attention and “power.” They want to run this list. It’s true. It’s not about “us,” it’s about them. I don’t know about Jackson, but Heard and Alexander and Wolk live to stir up trouble. (How else can you explain Wolks repeated accusations that the moms take bribes… or Heards trash-mouth posting.) I was one of the few defenses against them taking over this list… but I can’t (won’t) do it alone. I don’t envy the other Moms in having to deal with Heard and Alexander and to a lesser extent Wolk.

If you want to keep the Heards et.al. from taking over your life, you have to say so… you DO have to ‘get involved.’ Indeed, the only way a list like Pub-Forum can survive is if there are a core of “culture keepers” who WILL get involved.

That’s how it was in the ‘old days’ when there were only about 70 of us. Now with five or six times that, most of the subscribers are more along the lines of Barb Hubbard with her holier-then-thou political correctness line of crap. In my opinion, there is no greater provencial mind on this list than that of Barbara Hubbard. But they “love” her. Each day the list becomes more and more a ‘church lady’ group.

A list “is” how the subscribers want it to be… and they want it to be more along the lines that Hubbard wants than what I want. And since it can’t be both ways, it is time for me to step off of the train. (Yeah, I’m sure you think I’ve been thrown off!)

You can complain and you can bitch and you can moan all you want about Hubbard and Heard. But YOU didn’t speak up, nor did most others.

OK, I accept that. You don’t “owe” me anything.

But, old friend, make no mistake. Had it been the other way, I would have been out there with both guns blazing in YOUR defense… I would have never let an Alexander or a Heard or a Wolk or a Jackson or a Hubbard say about you (or anyone) what they have said about me.

Maybe I’ve made mistakes, but I’ve always stood up for those whom I thought were “wronged” and I don’t care how much the Heards and Alexanders and the Jacksons and the Wolks hate me. At the end of the day, they know that in a world of phonies, I’m ‘true grit.’ And the rest of publishing industry (after 8 years of writing this column) know it too.

Yes, I’m headed out, but I’m headed out with my chin up and walking tall. I can’t beat them all… but none of them were able to beat me. The list has changed and it is no longer a place where I feel comfortable, nor where I want to spend a lot of time and energy. It’s not what it was… and so long as the Wolks, and Heards, and Alexanders, and the Jacksons are the leaders, it never will be free again. As long as the membership is willing to be taken hostage by these people, well, that’s how it will remain.

One idea that surfaced out of all of this is the idea of an invitation-only list. It was NOT my idea (but I don’t want to ‘out’ the person who came up with it just yet.) I like the concept. I wish I had thought of it. A small group of us are fleshing it out. People will be invited to join and if “the committee” accepts them, they are ‘in’…. just like your college fraternity or sorority. Elitist? Damn straight it is… by design. But for those who want to “hang” with the “best and the brightest” in publishing, this might be an option. And this might actually form the basis of the IPAC (Independent Publishers Action Committee) that I’ve always advocated as a “change-agent” for this industry… but which I’ve never found time to start or organize.

> Please come to the BEA. I’ll call Ruby Ann Boxcar
> (saw that picture on your site) and there ‘ain’t
> no one is going to mess with Ruby!’

Thanks. I don’t know about BEA. I heard from a few folks that Alexander posted some kind of an apology or an explanation, but I never saw it. (My e-mail has been erratic the past few days… if he did post something it will probably show up in a day or two… I gotta get off of dial-up and on to cable… the old shoemakers kids going naked…. or something like that!!) Anyway, no matter what, I simply don’t know what to make of Alexander

Maybe the challenge to play hockey was nothing. But to me he could have said “why not step into the ring and go ten rounds.” Hockey has institutionalized fighting. Just last week some player broke the neck of another player… and was suspended for the season… the season… not life. He should get from 10 to 20 years in prison. And when you take Alexander’s “hockey post” in the context it was written in, you can’t help but see a violent guy. So yes, I was concerned and still am concerned. And yes, I showed these postings to legal and law enforcement people whom I know (I’ve lived here 25 years) and who have more experience than I with these things.

When you feel you are in danger or your family is in danger you do what you have to do, and you don’t pay attention to what others might think.

>I was surprised he saw the Dirty Harry quote as
> being a threat. Everyone knows that line.

Hindsight is always 20-20. I was posting it to a list of so-called educated publishers and I thought they would get the sarcasm… and just about everyone did… except Alexander… who was the only one that really counted! In retrospect I wish I had not posted it.

Here is what happened. I had just come from an argument on Usenet with some idiot named Gopal (who sounded much like Alexander.) I had researched and used the quote there… and it shut him up. But with Alexander I probably made things worse. Still, it was not as bad as his hockey challenge or his follow-up, when you take both in total context with his foul language and his pent-up anger.

I saw Alexanders picture and he didn’t look look so tough. I’m in great shape. Since I’ve been on this diet I’ve dropped a lot of fat and with all the weight training I’ve been doing come June I’ll have a body like a rock… well maybe just a hard pillow!. At least when the Pub-Forum folks see me sitting in the hotel lobby they won’t say “There’s a beached whale! Someone call Greenpeace!!”like a few of them did last year!

Unfortunately I don’t know the very first thing about self-defense. I’ve seen fights when I was tending bar in West Virginia (Click here for story) but I’ve never been in one. It’s not something Jew-kids from Long Island get into.

The closest to martial arts that I get is a weekly bowl of mizo soup! I’ll bet Barb Hubbard could take me out… and she’s all of five feet tall. No, I’m not much of a fighter. But I run two miles a day (have done so for 30 years now) so unless Alexander is an Olympic sprinter, I have a chance to get away. Hell, Maya is a certified black belt in Aikido so I figure I’d be safe with her. (Then I’ll owe her dinner as well!)

So I don’t know. Bottom line, if I decide to pass on Chicago I won’t be missed by anyone… except Maya around lunchtime!!

Anyway, to end on a serious note, when you get down to it, there was a “death in the family” this week, which could have, indeed should have, been prevented by all of those, including you, who didn’t want to “get involved.”

It’s done, it’s over, all that is left are the sound of the funeral bells. Yes I might have been buried. But, dear friend, “ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee.”

If I go to Chicago I’ll let you know. If not, say ‘hi’ to everyone for me…. then run like hell!

It’s been a good run. I’ve enjoyed it. I’ve contributed and I’ve learned as much as I have taught. But as Yogi would say “There comes a time when it’s time.” And it is time for me to move on.

I did the best I could as a list-mom and as a “community leader.” But I’ve read the returns and they are not in my favor, so it is best that I take my exit and go in peace, gently in the night.

Thank you for the use of the hall.

And would the last person out make sure my coffin is fully closed.

Al