Bye Bye Miss PMA Pie

[Note: This was written a day after PMA (Publishers Marketing Association) closed their list with no notice and handed it over to a right-wing, born-again religious fanatic.]

Not so very long ago
I can still remember how that listserv used to make me smile
And I knew that if I had some room
That I could make those people fume
And maybe they’d be happy for a while.

But February made me shiver
With every posting I’d deliver
Bad news from the Board rep
They had to take one more step

I can’t remember if I cried
When I read his tale and his lie
But something touched me deep inside
The day the listserv died

So
Bye-bye, Miss PMA Pie
My eyes were sad and heavy
But the tears they were dry
And the PMA Board were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’ this’ll be the day that I lie
This’ll be the day that I lie

Did you write the Board above
A posting ’bout your faith and love
If the Board boys tells you so
Do you believe in rant ‘n roll
Can PMA save your published soul
And can you teach me how to write real slow

Well, I know while I’m in love with gin
Drink Ripple with Jan in the gym
We all have paid our dues
Man, I got PMA blues

I was a lonely mid-age rantin’ buck
And tolerated the Boardroom muck
But I knew that we would all be fucked
The day the listserv died

I started singin’
Bye-bye, Miss PMA Pie
My eyes were sad and heavy
But the tears they were dry
And the PMA Board were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’ this’ll be the day that I lie
This’ll be the day that I lie

Now for four years we’ve been on our own
And returns come quick on all our tomes
But that’s not how it used to be
When the Nickster paid off John Ingram
With funds he gave from you to them
And a voice that came from everyone but me

Oh, and while old Dan was looking down
The Nickster stole his thorny crown
The board room was adjourned
The verdict was returned
And Aron thought he was so smart
The Ranter practiced in the park
And we drank Ripple in the dark
The day the listserv died

We were singing
Bye-bye, Miss PMA Pie
My eyes were sad and heavy
But the tears they were dry
And the PMA Board were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’ this’ll be the day that I lie
This’ll be the day that I lie

Helter Skelter in a summer swelter
The books returned right to our shelter
Eight piles high and counting fast
It felt much better when smookin’ grass
The Board boys tried for a backward pass
With the Nickster ready to kick us in the ass

Now the cyber air was sweet perfume
While Bookzone played a marching tune
We all got up to rant
Oh, but we never got to chant
‘Cause the ranters tried to take the field
The Boardroom boys refused to yield
Miss Gundry got to make the deal
The day the listserv died

We started singing
Bye-bye, Miss PMA Pie
My eyes were sad and heavy
But the tears they were dry
And the PMA Board were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’ this’ll be the day that I lie
This’ll be the day that I lie

Oh, and there we were all in one place
A listserv group in cyber space
With no time left to start again
So come on, Nick be nimble, Nick be quick
The Boradroom boys act like pricks
‘Cause silence is the Boardroom’s only friend

Oh, and as I read his posted page
My keys were hit in fits of rage
No ranter born in hell
Could break that Nicksters spell
And as the flames climbed high and bright
To start the artificial site
I saw John H. laugh with delight
The day the listserv died

He was singing
Bye-bye, Miss PMA Pie
My eyes were sad and heavy
But the tears they were dry
And the PMA Board were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’ this’ll be the day that I lie
This’ll be the day that I lie

I heard Mayapriya sing the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to the listserv store
Where I’d seen the postings years before
But Pat Bell said the postings went away

And in the streets the writers screamed
The vendors cried, and the ranters dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The PMA was broken
And the three guysI admire most
Dan, and John, and the listserv host
Said the list had turned to toast
The day the listserv died

And they were singing
Bye-bye, Miss PMA Pie
My eyes were sad and heavy
But the tears they ran free
And the PMA Board gave it all to Gundry
I’m sayin this is not the way it should be
This is not the way it should be!